Monday, February 15, 2016

Random Pregnancies In Campus.

Campus would be a complete joke without extracurricular activities. And for obvious reasons, meetings cannot be held during the day on weekdays. Most are held a few hours to sunset for convenience sake.

I'm still wondering why I'm only making this observation now.

After a club's meeting, at 7:47pm the members find themselves groping through the darkness trying to make their way to their various hostel rooms. She is in a rush knowing she still has to buy ingredients for her supper. An acquaintance and  co-member from the club offers to escort her to her room in Hostel L.
We, the comrades, are one after all, aren't we?
When they finally get to her room after a disturbingly awkward small talk, she mustn't dare let him leave without a simple meal at least. What would he think of her if she did? Oh the horrific thought!! So she decides to make her special ugali omena just so she will only have to worry about praises, not ridicule.
Luckily, the young bloke happens to have a laptop with him so they listen to music as she prepares the thanksgiving meal saving the movie for mealtime.
An hour later, they are both too hooked to The Last Witch Hunter, the guy promises to be on his way as soon as it's over. By 10pm, the girl is already feeling sleepy so she insists that they pause the movie and continue some other day. The lad persists that the laptop belongs to his roommate so he can't be sure when the next he will have it will be.
Slightly convinced, they proceed. Once that movie has ended, the guy suggests that she checks out the collection of series as they play some music just before he sets off to his own room in hostel F. For politeness sake and her reputation not to come off as trippy and too tense, she succumbs.
Before they know it, it's midnight. She escorts him downstairs but then they spot the Janitor making rounds on one end and the "Gate Keepers" alert as ever on those entrance benches.
There's only one solution to that issue. He has to spend the night and crawl back to his room at dawn. She curses under her breath, too quiet for him to hear. He smirks in the dark corridor back to her room as they both contemplate their situation.
He is in great luck because her roommate has still not returned to the room meaning she will be spending the night at her best friends' place.
Despite the girl's persistence that he sleeps her roommate's bed, they scheming lad feigns offense promising he won't as much as face her. So they go to sleep on her bed. Finally.
In the wee hours of the night, she feels his arms wrap around her. Soon, he is caressing her.
In the morning, the events of the night cannot be spoken of ever again. He dresses up and leaves promising to check up on her later. She hurriedly gets ready for class. Later in the day, she'll visit the chemist.
Two days later, she sets her mind to actually skip lunch since she has been too busy with her core courses and electives to make her way to the chemist. On her way, she bumps into a lecturer she has been trying to hunt down for months about her missing mark. She can't let him get away. The agenda she had in mind has to be postponed again. Before she knows it, it's been a week.
And she knows she has 1 major problem to add to her 99 others.

FIRST SEMESTER, THIRD YEAR

January has it's perks, much to your dismay.
They all just happen to fall on a single day. New Year's Day. Every other day of the month is a damnation. You are adviced to carry your Velvex tissues with you because you may need to break down once in a while for the 30 days.

For students like you and me, shopping cannot go unmentioned. Girls have their scroll-long lists set aside for the Back To School season. The boys will only scribble a few things down with enough insistence from their parents or guardians. Either way, if the whole family spent the previous year's savings on the plastic tree for the sitting room, and shiny plastic balls meant to make the tree festive season worthy, oh and a full buffet...then January will prove to be even more special and eventful for you.

First things first tho; hostel room booking.

Hectic doesn't even begin to cover the experience. When you've been on a seven-month break or a four-month one, does the relevance of having your room clearance code in the conscious part of your mind exist? Does it really? The smart ones will have saved it in a softcopy notepad or a diary they are in regular contact with. Kudos, smart people. You make the rest of us look bad. Kudos.

Having intended to spend only 20bob in the cyber, that particular code you can't rack your brains enough to conjure taunts you so much, you end up spending double the amount. Oh, but you still can't remember it so you resign yourself to the doom awaiting you.
Seeking external residence days after many other students have already booked all the affordable houses in the clean, probably more secure sections of the village/shopping centre we still call stage despite the actual stage being situated miles from that area. Outside the gates.

If your luck is as reliably whack as mine, you managed to secure a house in the furthest part of school...far far away from classes, it's like you live on some other county altogether where the monthly rent is half your second semester's fee.
You will be holding hands with the Landlord and Caretaker for the four months singing We Shall Overcome.


Saturday, February 13, 2016

Single People on Valentine's Day

Let's be real for a minute, can we?
Have you ever been single and wanted to be in a relationship so badly, but then the moment you get into one, your brain sorta does a 180° turn like "F*# that!"?
Oh, I know you can relate. Uh-huh.
And it doesn't really even matter if you're single during this Valentine's weekend. You were single at one point or another.

#1. Spotlight Single
This one has just got out of a horrible relationship and has now given up on love completely. Their personality composes a mixture of over-confidence and independence. They don't just dance to Single Ladies as a way of celebrating single life.
They TURN UP.
Their every dance move is intended to send a message. They find the idea of falling in love absolutely ridiculous, and they will laugh in your face if you happen to mention how in love you are. Basically, this type of single is CRAY.
Also, I'm this type of single...LOL.

#2. Sappy Single
Their life is constantly in a state of confusion.
"Why am I single?"
"Why won't anyone like me?"
Chances are, this kind of person is still in love with their ex, and every other ex before their most recent ex. They get so invested in relationships so quickly, they cannot stand being alone. Especially on Valentine's Day.
They are always watching romantic movies, soap operas, their entire playlist contains songs like Wait For You by Eliot Yamin and How Do I Breathe by Mario.

#3. Fling Freak
This type of single is one that's never really single only because they will always be jumping from relationship to relationship for one reason or another.
He has a really dope ride.
He's the sweetest guy in the world.
He just got heartbroken.
He used to be my crush back in 'ryma.
...on and on...
All their friends have to communicate in that awkward:
"Hey girl, how you been? Form ni gani this Valentine's na Jaymo...er...Collo...Jeff..er..???"
"Kevo. Broke up with Stevo last week. He was too (clingy)"

#4. The Seeker
These singles have been so for a really long time they can't help being relentlessly on the hunt. They are literally proactive about getting into a relationship and unlike the sappy ones, these singles are determined and innovative about their cause. They have accounts in every single dating site and other social media sites you can imagine.
Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Hi5, Eharmony....name it.
They will DM you out of nowhere "Hello, I'm Sophia. U want to be friends".
OMG, you are CREEPY if you happen to be this kind of person.

Which type of single person are you today?