Six steps to squashing a bug

Heey guys!!
Ever been in that situation where you absolutely NEED to use the bathroom because you can't hold it any more and you're literally hopping around in circles with a weird look on your face? Of course you have! LOL!
So you get in but then oops! Giant spider on the wall.
Your breathing stops, time stops, your bowels ease up. New tragedy to deal with.
What to do...what to do...
You could do one of two things.

#1. Turn around, excuse yourself and forget you even have a bathroom.
#2. Face the creature like the man you are...or woman..or queen. Okay, you get the drift.

If you decide to rid yourself of the threat, then you must follow these few steps as best as you can.

#1. Make eye contact with the bug. If you don't, how else do you intend to read its mind?? It'll obviously be checking you out too. Simply to determine your next move. But see, you HAVE TO stay ahead.

#2. Grab a slipper, a fly whisk, a batabullet, one of the Dailys/a Cosmopolitan/textbook/exercise book...whatever you intend to squash it with. Whatever you do though, don't take your eyes away from the spider (or cockroach).

#3. When you're sure you've properly armed yourself, take a deep breath darling. Possibly, say a prayer too. This is not a drill. If you miss, you might have to move out immediately, depending on how dangerous the bug is.

#4. Swing your weapon as hard as you can and make sure it lands ON TOP of the bug. If you're keen enough, you'll feel or hear it sploosh.

#5. Run!! (Scream only if you must, that is, if you can't help it)

#6. Count to 30, then return to check whether the mission was a success...you know, to find out if you'll really have to clear out of the house at once. Chances are, though, that you succeeded. So HI-5!!

Of course there are other ways of terminating creepy crawlies and other bugs, like spraying them with insecticides. You have Diazol, Disect, Marathon, Nawabu (I've just googled some of these, haha) Mortein Doom for mosquitoes and several others. But what's a surer way than seeing the bug's insides out and knowing it can't heal...or build up resistance against swats? (Is that evil?)